I think I've come up with the ultimate
argument in the endless debate between playing under a skater
name or a real name. The debate can end. Everyone go home. I won.
The argument against Derby names: All
other sports (real, serious, sports) have the players play under their real
name. It contributes to the realness of the activity. Somehow. Magically. It magically transposes realness onto the action of 'playing the game'. Players playing under fake names are obviously only faking the playing of the aforementioned game.
All points scored and blocked are imaginary. Just like the fake names. Although all the stars of all the professional sports have nicknames. That's
beside the point.
You know the only other sport people
play under an assumed name? I know you do because it's the sport people always bring up when they do the sad hand-wringing about why Derby isn't taken seriously by the Serious Sports People with stadiums and season tickets and broadcast rights.
No, it's not the Catholic church. If it was then the arguments would be marginally more interesting.
 |
| He plays under a pope name. Just sayin'. |
Do I need to spell it out? Do I? I will.
Wrestling! Fake, staged, WWE, wrestling.
That's why Serious Media won't take Roller Derby Seriously. Because
it's like wrestling. (Not the 'ancient Greeks and Romans used to oil themselves up and roll around naked wrestling'. That's totally a real sport). WWE Smackdown Wrestling is like Roller Derby. Except for ALL THE WAYS it's totally different.
Different in every single detail.
It's nearly identical because derby names = wrestling names = real sport = staged entertainment.
 | |||
| That's totally roller derby |
 |
| Careful! WWE might sue for copyright infringement! |
By continuing the argument of taking a
superficial point that has no actual bearing on how the game is
played, let me bring this discussion to a perfectly logical
conclusion.
Guess what other sport is played
with the players wearing nothing except a shiny thong?
Swimming! Everyone knows wrestling is
fake, wrestlers wear nothing except their underwear and a smile,
swimmers wear nothing except their underwear and a smile, THEREFORE
SWIMMING IS NOT A SERIOUS SPORT. OMG! DOES THE OLYMPIC COMMITTEE KNOW
ABOUT THIS?
 |
| Nobody tell the ICC we've got similar costumes! It's a secret! |
So go forth, my children, and next time some ignorant asshat compares roller derby to WWE as an excuse to demean and belittle our sport, to try and weasel it around like it's our fault we're ignored, if only we'd change then they would stop treating us like the athletes foot of the sports pantheon, you just point out all the flaws in their pitiful little argument and then get them up on some skates because then it's not assault, it's practice.
